The Power of One Caring Adult
David Kelly • June 13, 2022
The Power of One Caring Adult
During this month of June, we celebrate and honor all those who are fathers, grandfathers, and
all men
who take on the responsibility of being
a caring adult in someone’s life. In a community where too many fathers are unable to provide for their children, we especially honor the men - young and old - who are shining examples of commitment and care for their children and their community.
Having been raised by a strong and loving father, I know the impact of having a strong male who is always there to care for and love his children without question. Children should not have to earn love; but simply be loved and cared for.
They need an unconditional love—even and especially when they mess up. And as someone who has “raised” several young people myself, I know that authentic fatherly love is not always easy. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, but certainly one of the most rewarding.
I see this unconditional care and support in our men of PBMR.
Our mentors spend countless hours building and strengthening relationships with our youth. This type of accompaniment is the cornerstone of our work. In these mentor-mentee relationships, I see the relentless love of authentic fatherhood, an unfailing caring presence
even amidst life’s bumps and bruises. They are there for the youth unquestioningly: from cheering on a Saturday night basketball game, to hospital visits, to drop offs and picks ups, to ensuring kids get to school in the morning.
I think of Mac, our Youth Mentor Coordinator.
Mac works with other mentors to ensure every youth has a caring adult in his or her corner (You can never have enough!). This winter, three of our youth were shot on their walk home after a day helping out at a neighborhood church. All three survived, but the youngest was shot three times in his legs shattering his femur bone. The hospital patched him up and returned him home to heal, but ordered no physical therapy or follow up. Before the shooting, he was one of the best players on the basketball court, and months after he was limping in pain, much less running on the court. Mac recognized the toll it took on him – not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Basketball was more than just a pastime; it was something that kept him focused and resilient
to trauma of growing up on the south side of Chicago. After seeking help from the hospital, Mac proposed that PBMR help him get access to the physical therapy he needed. When we proposed this plan to the youth, his face lit up. Just the prospect that he might regain some of the movement that the bullets took from him gave him hope. And so, for the past 6 weeks, the two have been religiously attending sessions together. And his body is responding, his condition is improving, and his spirits are lifting.
A caring adult makes all the difference.
I am sure that every staff would say that our youth are our treasure. And so, there was no missing the excitement when 5 of our mentors and 5 of our youth were invited to attend a Black-tie event for black men of all ages. For weeks leading up the event, they were preparing - getting measured for their suits, picking out their ties and wondering what’s up with these shoes—To their dismay, formal wear doesn’t include Nike shoes! A few days before the big day, a group of mentors were with their youth teaching them how to tie a necktie. This had all the aura of a serious endeavor. It took a minute – one time the tie was too long, another, too short. It was a rather comical display of patience. What touched me though was the intimacy and care
demonstrated by the mentors for the youth around such a special moment.
The day came with a luncheon and a tour of the Northern Illinois University (NIU). They then got ready for the evening’s festivities, which included a very formal dinner. Even though the pictures don’t show their smiles, there was no hiding their enthusiasm
as they told me about the evening – showing me picture after picture of the event.
Too often the narrative of Chicago’s south side is one of violence. But there is another story as well. And it is a story of care and tenderness and love. I am struck by how available staff are to those we are privileged to walk with. It is not easy; there can be some really tough moments, but there are laughs and joy
as well. And ain’t that life.
In the end, our youth want what every young person wants, is to be loved and to feel as though they matter. I wish we had the ability to ensure that every young person had a Mac or Fred or Joe in their life. I wish every young person knew that they were loved for who they are, not for what they could do.
Fathers’ Day is about unconditional love – no strings attached. As we celebrate the 20th anniversary of PBMR, we are committed more now than ever to ensure our young people have that caring adult in their lives.
Many blessings to all fathers, grandfathers, uncles and all who live as guardians to our youth.
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*Fr. David Kelly, CPPS, is one of the founders and the current Executive Director of PBMR and celebrates his 40th year this year as a Missionary of the Precious Blood.
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“The first message of Jesus is that of compassion. Mission will follow.”
“We’re all doing the same work. We all have the same issues, but we all have our own approaches to the work, right? But turns out, it's one fight. This is one united front.”
“If we truly want safer communities and a more just society, then we must be willing to imagine and invest in a better way for everyone.”
“We learn from those who continue to love, even when they have been betrayed.”
"We all know love when we see it. All the rest are labels."
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Reimagining Justice in Illinois: A Restorative Justice Blueprint for Illinois’ Criminal Legal System
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